DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions; all the powers that be, not me; This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement intended. The story is the property of the author and may not be posted without the author's consent.
SPOILERS: None.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is what you get when you put the German Gatecampers, a Swiss fan and a Dutch lunatic in one room at WOLF CON SG3. Ellen, Steffi, Regina, Jessica, Sandra and the other campers who were there: this one is for you. Enjoy.

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"Well, this sucks," Colonel Jack O'Neill, leader of the SGC's first exploration team muttered under his breath.

Major Samantha Carter checked out the room they were just led into. "There's only one door, Sir."

"And I take it that there's a guard outside," O'Neill responded without really expecting an answer, throwing an annoyed look at his 2IC.

"All my belongings have been removed, O'Neill," stated Teal'c, the fierce tall man with a golden tattoo shining as a beam of light falling through a small window caught its reflection.

"Mine, too," the blonde woman nodded.

"Why?" Dr. Daniel Jackson questioned. The fourth member of the group was tinier than the others and his hair was covered by a green bandana, wrapped around his head with a large knot in his neck.

"I was hoping *you* could tell *us*," snapped O'Neill, losing his temper. "You talked to those people."

The younger man looked embarrassed. "I didn't really have the chance to talk to them, Jack," he apologized. "I mean, they didn't seem to *like* us from the moment we stepped through the gate."

"I concur," nodded the big Jaffa. "They did not appear to be friendly at all."

"Any ideas? Daniel? Carter?" O'Neill demanded. "Didn't you tell them how *peaceful* we are?"

"Well, Jack," Jackson shot back, as if slightly offended with the Colonel's tone. "They didn't really give us a chance."

O'Neill rested his lean shoulders against the wall, slowly bent his knees and sat down to run a weary hand through his hair sighing out loud with frustration.

Major Carter looked around. "Did any of you notice anything strange on this planet?"

"The inhabitants of this planet threw us in here without a reason, Carter. I'd say that's strange," O'Neill said, agitatedly throwing his hands up in the air.

"Yeah, I know that, Sir," Sam responded. "I meant the surroundings. Did you notice anything weird about those people's appearance? Do you remember what they smelt like?"

"Well, Sam," Daniel looked puzzled. "They looked fine. Dressed up nice, looking good actually." The archaeologist scratched his nose. "I didn't smell a thing, though. Sorry. Allergies, you know."

Teal'c faced his female team mate, raising one eyebrow. "I believe that the scent on this planet was that of roses."

"Exactly," Sam responded, her eyes lightening up. "Yet, I didn't see a single rose on the whole planet!"

"We haven't *seen* the whole planet," Jack objected. "We only saw about two hundred yards. From the gate to this cell."

"I know, Sir. But don't you think it's strange we smelt roses above anything?"

"Oh, that's just great. We've been captured by a bunch of Guns 'n Roses?" Jack pulled a face, unaware of the way Teal'c lifted his brows.

"Everything is neat, well organized, and clean and smells like roses. That's interesting," Daniel mumbled.

"Kids, not that I think this conversation isn't nice, but..." O'Neill caught their attention and pointed into the direction of the door.

They all looked up. A large, dark-haired man, dressed in an impeccable white robe stepped into the cell after swinging the door open. Behind him, two guards, dressed in equally clothing, stood, their guns pointed at the four prisoners.

"Was ist das?" the dark-haired man barked. "Wo kommen Sie her? Sie haben uns beschmutzt!"

"Daniel?" Jack slowly looked over his shoulder, questioningly.

"Err... sounds German to me, Jack," answered Daniel, a deep frown covering his face as he tried to determine the reason why the leader of these people seemed so upset.

The dark-haired man sniffed, pulling a dirty face. "Sie haben die Umwelt zerstort mit ihrer dreckigkeit und Gestank!"

Daniel shook his head in amazement. "They think we've ruined their planet, Jack," he explained.

"How?"

"Well... They think we are dirty. We smell bad..." muttered the linguist, afraid of the way his friend would react.

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Jack yelled, facing the leader of the planet. "I took a shower this morning! Even put this nicely smelling lotion stuff in my hair... some of that Hugo Boss aftershave, too. What could possibly be wrong with that?"

"Maybe they have a different taste, Sir?" Sam suggested.

"Carter, it's your job to smell like roses. It's mine to smell ... different."

"Wir wirden Sie sofort abschiessen," the leader snapped, and gave some orders to his guards.

Jack quickly turned around to look at Daniel. "Did that man just say what I think he said?" He sharply pointed into the dark-haired man's direction.

Daniel slowly shrugged his shoulders. "I, err... think so, Jack."

"Now that's a bad plan," O'Neill snapped at the leader.

The two guards stepped inside, pointing their guns, while six new armed guards stepped into sight outside the cell. The two guards inside pushed the end of the gun into Jack and Teal'c's back. "Laufen!"

"We need ideas, kids..." O'Neill's mind raced, his eyes scanning their surroundings to look for an opening. He quickly exchanged looks with Teal'c, knowing the Jaffa would do the same.

The guards roughly moved their captures, heading towards the middle of the town. Except for the eight guards and the leader nobody else was in sight.

"We could..." Daniel started, hesitatingly.

"What?" Jack shot back, anxious to do something.

"Well... since they already think we smell bad..." Daniel continued, while being pushed forward. "We could use some ... err... gas..."

"Gas????" O'Neill frowned in utter surprise, and then stumbled over some rocks on the path. One of the guards hauled him back to his feet before he completely lost his balance.

"Loss!!" the guard barked.

"Carter?" O'Neill pulled himself free from the grip of the inhabitant of the planet.

"Actually, Sir," the blonde Major answered. "This might work. They're obviously very sensitive to anything that smells bad. It might give us the opening we need."

"Teal'c usually smells pretty terrible," Daniel opted, ashamed to look at their alien friend at the comment.

They reached the inner court of town and Jack was dragged to the middle the first, while one of the guards slowly raised their guns, pointing it into the Colonel's direction.

"Now would be a good time, Sir," Carter yelled.

O'Neill turned around, despite the fact that the guard had motioned him not to move. "The US Air force has ordered me to do some pretty distasteful things in the past and I hated it! And now *you* want me to produce gas on command, Major?"

The leader barked his orders.

"Teal'c!!!" Daniel cried out, helplessly.

The guard aimed; his finger ready to pull the trigger.

Teal'c pulled the muscles in his abdomen, then sort of exploded, the sound of it being followed by the sound of the bullet leaving the gun. The smell was terrible, and the guards fainted on the spot.

Daniel stared in disbelieve from one guard to the other, then pressed thumb and pointing finger over his nose thrills, pulling a face as a reaction to the bad smell.

Carter lifted her brows, stunned that the plan had actually worked, then rushed forward as her CO slowly sank to the floor, clutching his left shoulder with his right hand. She reached him, and then steadied him while he rose back to his feet.

"Let's move," Jack hissed through clenched teeth.

Teal'c was already there, hauled O'Neill's right arm over his shoulder and dragged him forward. Daniel took point and the team rushed towards the Stargate. They encountered no trouble, and Daniel quickly pushed in the right symbols to dial home.

Jack looked over his shoulder to make sure the guards weren't on their heels, and then looked at Teal'c. "I will never stop you from eating anything spicy anymore, Teal'c," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. The Stargate locked, the wormhole established and the team moved to step through, as Jack made his final comment.

"I will even stand behind you in line for lunch..."

>>> THE END <<<

Chez Corine