DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions; all the powers that be, not me; This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement intended. The story is the property of the author and may not be posted without the author's consent.
SPOILERS: minor ones to Brief Candle, Double Jeopardy
AUTHORS'S NOTES: For Kevin and Nerissa, the owners of the big giant tomato which inspired this. And of course our thanks to that wonderful cook in our hotel in Monschau, who prepared that lovely asparagus dinner. He has no idea what he's done.... <grin>.

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The four members of SG-1 stepped out of the wormhole on PR4-437, with Colonel Jack O'Neill in front, striding to his right to make room for the others. The Colonel was dressed in standard green BDU's accented by his favorite cap and sunglasses. Immediately after emerging from the gate, his eyes began scanning the area around him, looking for any sign of trouble.

Dr. Daniel Jackson stood next to him, still fidgeting with his BDU vest, struggling with various straps and buckles. Major Samantha Carter appeared from the blue liquid, stepping to the left and lifting her sunglasses, staring wide-eyed at the scene in front of her. Teal'c stood still, his staff weapon at the ready in his right hand.

O'Neill slowly removed his sunglasses in surprise, studying what lay in front of him, eyes slowly trolling from the bottom to the top of the odd plants growing in front of the gate.

"Boys and girl, now *those* are some honkin' huge, ah, trees," he commented.

Sam turned her head into his direction. "Well, actually, Sir, they're not trees at all," Carter groaned inwardly as O'Neill rolled his eyes at her. "These are tomato plants, Colonel, giant tomato plants."

"Tomato plants? Oh for crying out..." the Colonel muttered, astonished at the height of the green plants in front of him. "Now, Jack and the giant beanstalk I've heard of..." he mused, "but tomato plants taller than my house? Damn."

Daniel finally finished fastening the straps of his vest, having missed the conversation. Without looking up, he absentmindedly started down the steps that lead away from the Stargate, ending up with his nose pressed into one of the huge leaves of the plant closest to him. He jumped back in shock, retreating backwards up the stairs. "Wow!! What is that?"

"These are what your people call tomato plants, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said, a faint smile forming at his lips.

"Err, Sam. Aren't they a little bit too big to be tomato plants?" Daniel stared at the only female member of the team.

Sam carefully moved closer to the foliage, examining the plants in front of her. "Amazing," she couldn't hide her surprise as she pushed one of the big leaves to the side for a closer inspection. "Look at this. We have to support tomato plants as they grow, anchoring them to stakes so they won't fall. Yet somehow these are perfectly capable of keeping themselves upright. That's amazing. They must have an extraordinary lignin content..." She took another step closer to the huge plants.

"Major, watch it," the Colonel warned, moving closer to his Second.

"Sir, these are just tomato plants," she tried to reassure him while reaching forward to touch the trunk, which was thick, solid and soaring upward in a gnarled, twisting shape.

O'Neill smirked. "Yeah, sure. Just the normal average tomato plants, what can happen, right? Excuse me, but they're about fifty times bigger than usual and we don't want one of those," he pointed upwards, "to drop on your lovely head, now do we?"

Carter looked up. Almost straight above her she saw what the Colonel meant. An unripe, yellow tomato bigger than the biggest watermelons on Earth was hanging there. She quickly jumped back.

"No, Sir. Thank you, Sir. I wasn't paying attention," she apologized, her cheeks turning a little red, just about the color of a *ripe* tomato, O'Neill thought suddenly.

The Colonel turned to the Jaffa. "Teal'c. Have you ever come across anything like this before?"

Teal'c shook his head. "I have not, O'Neill. This is most uncommon to me."

"Well, kids. Let's see if we can get safely past this tomato field. Maybe if we get lucky we'll find the pepperoni on the other side, eh? Keep your eyes open."

"Keep my eyes open? For what?" Daniel had to ask. "A tomato ambush? Are you worried if we walk too slowly they'll catch up?" Jackson wiggled his eyebrows, delighted with his bad pun.

Jack groaned. "Very funny, Daniel. That's why the jokes are *my* job." O'Neill turned to look around them and up to the oversized tomatoes hanging above them. "But right now, I *am* worried. I'm not afraid of the tomatoes, but I don't want to think about the size of any creature that would actually be able to *eat* these things."

Swinging out to the left, SG-1 moved around the field. Teal'c was on point, Jack had their six, and Daniel and Sam, in the middle, were shooting all kinds of questions at each other.

"How can these plants grow like this?" Daniel asked, craning his neck to marvel at the giant plants towering above them.

"I don't know," Sam answered. "I've never seen anything like this! Incredible. I really need to take some tissue samples and more soil samples."

"They look just like our tomato plants," Daniel started.

Sam nodded. "Just... bigger. What could possibly make them this huge?"

"Maybe it's something in the ground. Maybe the soil is more fertile than on Earth..." Daniel suggested.

"Yes, that's possible. Or..." she looked around, suddenly uncomfortable.

"Or what, don't tell me this is a Goa'uld's green Garden?" O'Neill piped up from where he walked at the rear guard of the group.

"That is one possibility, Sir, although I'd say Teal'c would likely have heard of it, if it were." Carter stared around her, a worried frown etched above her lovely eyes. "I just think there's something odd here...."

"Yeah, big, giant tomatoes," quipped the SG-1 commander.

"No, it's something else. Something that could be dangerous. Quantum farm physics, or maybe subspace subterranean space/time/size bubbles expanding or ..."

"Or what?" Daniel eyed her in concern.

"What if the population of this planet feeds the plants something..."

"Like what, some artificial fertilizer? Some chemical manure with seaweed?" Daniel queried.

"Miracle Grow with Naquada?" O'Neill suggested.

Sam shook her head. "No. I was actually thinking about some unknown technology. What if they used something similar to the nanocytes, wouldn't that make the plants grow bigger and faster?"

Daniel looked at her. That was a possibility he hadn't thought of. The nanocytes they'd come across were able to ‘grow' people incredibly fast, so it was something to consider. "You could be right, Sam," he admitted.

Their conversation ended right there as Teal'c stopped them. "Major Carter. I think you should take a look at this." Teal'c pointed at some plants on his left.

Carter examined the plants with a stunned expression on her face. The plants consisted of crenellated dark green leaves, three on each stem, growing upward until they were as high as her hips. Between the groups of leaves were white flowers on separate stems. Sam moved forward, attempting to push the leaves aside.

"Uh! Don't touch that, Carter," O'Neill warned.

"Sir, I think these are just strawberries," she explained.

"I can see that, too, Major. They're *giant* strawberries. Maybe there are giant maggots as well under there, have you considered that?" The Colonel looked sharply at her. "Or giant flies? Giant worms?"

"Well, Sir, I don't think so. I think the people on this planet have some advanced technology to grow their fruit and vegetables like this," she started. "Which would mean just the plants would get big, not the bugs."

"At this moment, I don't really care, Major. To me, it seems we ended up in some warped fairy tale where we are the dwarfs. And I don't think I want to meet the mythical Goliath just yet."

"Actually, Jack, Goliath wasn't a myth, he's in the Bible," Daniel was excited he could finally contribute his expertise to the conversation. "Colossus, though, now he could be considered a myth, or....

"Ack! Stop!" O'Neill was frantically waving a finger in Jackson's face. "No. Enough all ready. I don't want to know about myths, I was just making conversation, normal conversation. No babbling." His gaze swept across both Daniel and Carter. "No babbling from either one of you." Jack scanned the area. "Let's move it and see what else grows above our heads. If we don't find anything interesting soon, I want to leave ASAP."

"No, Jack!" Daniel protested loudly. "We can't just leave here!"

O'Neill turned to him, chin lifting belligerently. "And why not?"

"Because..." Daniel started, thinking rapidly. "...because whatever makes the fruit and vegetables grow like this, could be of the greatest importance to Earth. Just think about the starving millions on our own planet, Jack. Imagine if we could use *this* to grow food in Africa." The young man waved a hand at the giant vegetation. "It could be the answer, a solution that could save so many lives."

O'Neill stared at Daniel. The linguist had a point there, although Jack wasn't all too sure just yet. "We don't know it's safe for humans to eat this stuff," he objected. "Just because they *look* like normal vegetables..."

"Not vegetables, Sir, tomatoes are fruit," Carter interjected.

O'Neill threw the Major one of those confounded looks. "Maybe on this planet they *are* vegetables," the Colonel looked triumphantly at Carter.

She shook her head no.

"Okay, fruit, vegetable, doesn't matter," Jack waved a hand in the air. "The point is, just because it looks like *normal* food doesn't mean it's normal. Or safe."

"I know, Sir. That's why I need to take samples. Run tests, to determine what caused this. Maybe it's something in the soil, some specific combination of minerals or nutrients, or maybe it's something that's been added on purpose. It's worth a couple hours of our time, Sir." Carter's eyes couldn't hide her enthusiasm.

"All right, all right," O'Neill gave in and motioned them to continue their trek. "Giant tomatoes, giant strawberries... the only thing that's still missing here is the Incredible Hulk," he muttered under his breath.

<><><><><><><><>

They'd hiked all afternoon, passing another field of huge golden-hued grain plants that looked like unripe wheat; skirting an area of sweet smelling plants which gave off a distinctly minty odor; and discovering giant fruit trees with oranges and apples bigger than basketballs. The trees themselves were some four times higher than the normal fruit trees of Earth, Carter estimated.

What they didn't see was any sign of civilization. Although it seemed a bit of a surprise, frankly, the Colonel wasn't exactly eager to meet any aliens, not knowing whether these natives would be one or four times their size.

It was growing near dusk when Colonel O'Neill called a halt and picked a spot to set up their camp. Within fifteen minutes, the tents were up and ready, MREs distributed, a small campfire was heating their evening coffee and they all could sit down and rest. Their camp was located in a small valley, against the shady hillside. The valley contained no giant trees, just oversized strawberry and blueberry bushes, almost reaching up to Daniel's shoulders.

Sam wasn't ready to give in. "Sir? Permission to take some soil samples along the valley?"

"Knock yourself out, Carter," O'Neill responded, leaning comfortably backwards against the hillside. "Just watch yourself and stay in sight."

"Yes, Sir." Carter gathered her equipment, smiling like a kid who'd just received her first birthday present. She walked over to the giant strawberry bushes and started taking samples.

"And don't eat anything, Major," O'Neill shouted after her.

"I won't, Sir," she answered, annoyed. How dumb did he think she was?

Daniel Jackson wasn't ready to join his colleagues. He sat close to the campfire, a large mug of hot black coffee in his left hand. He was lost in thought, slowly sipping the steaming black liquid.

Teal'c stood nearby, motionless, his back towards the hillside, vigilantly on guard, as usual. O'Neill didn't need to ask him; Teal'c just did so without instruction. With Daniel sitting near the campfire, Jack just needed to keep an eye on Major Carter. He could easily view the whole valley, confident that nothing would move without him noticing it.

O'Neill let his eyes scroll across the valley. The giant plants and trees were an unnerving sight. He could understand why Carter and Daniel were excited, but he couldn't stop worrying himself. What if this planet turned out to be the home of creatures as giant sized as the foliage? Beings four or five times their size? How could he protect his team from something like that? Not that they necessarily had to be hostile giants, but he had to be prepared for anything. True, they hadn't come across any signs of living creatures, but he just knew they had to be there, where ever there was. Because Jack O'Neill knew they weren't alone on this planet. He'd studied the giant tomato plants and the other fruits, vegetables and grains. It hadn't escaped his notice, the way that they grew neatly in a huge, even, exact and completely unnatural squares.

Someone, or something, had planted the giant things.

He was glad Teal'c was on his post. He could rely on the Jaffa to sense any kind of trouble. Teal'c guarded the valley, while he guarded the hillside. It was a good thing they both took it upon themselves to watch the Major and Daniel, because those two could get so distracted by whatever samples they were taking or rocks they were studying, that they appeared to be unaware of the world around them.

Jack knew that Major Carter counted on her teammates watching her back, so she could concentrate on her task. The Colonel smiled briefly, knowing that whatever it was that made these plants and trees grow to such fantastic extremes, she would figure it out. If not tonight, then tomorrow, but she would find the answer before they returned home.

Carter had finished taking samples from the soil around the strawberry bushes and moved more to the left, further down the hillside. Lots of blueberry bushes were growing there and she was busily filling more soil and tissue sample bottles.

Jack was just starting to relax when he was startled by a slight trembling of the ground. It was barely noticeable, but definitely there, and immediately all his instincts were on alert.

What was it?

Again, he felt it, the slight shuddering of the ground. The Colonel quickly exchanged looks with Teal'c, realizing the Jaffa had sensed something, too.

O'Neill's eyes quickly studied the area, but he saw nothing. Then he heard it.

Was it thundering? Was it an earthquake, err, planetquake?

"Daniel," he warned, raising one finger to catch the scholar's attention. Carter, alerted by the movements, looked up from her work as well.

Teal'c tried to determine the source of the thundering noise, listening carefully.

At the same time, they both realized the thundering came from only one direction. Jack jumped to his feet, staring up the hillside.

"O'Neill!" Teal'c's warning shout was almost overwhelmed by the now thunderous sound.

Huge white logs, the size of tree trunks, suddenly appeared on the top of the hill, rolling swiftly down towards the valley, threatening to come down just to the left of SG-1's camp. One by one, the oddly pale-colored logs rolled over the crest of the hill, bouncing down the steep incline like an avalanche, destroying everything in their path.

"Carter!" O'Neill yelled, realizing she was standing directly in the path of the rolling trunks.

The Colonel was already running toward here as she finally looked up, a look of fear crossing her face for a split second when she saw the approaching disaster. He wasn't going to get there in time. Knowing he couldn't reach her before the first white trunk hit, O'Neill launched himself in a long, low dive. He grabbed Carter by her shoulders, pushing her away, further and further, stumbling, moving, desperately.

Almost, they were almost safe...

Almost.

The first log crashed down, bounced up and hit his hip.

O'Neill threw his arms protectively around Carter as he was thrown off balance by the first trunk, rolling, with Carter in his arms, trying to shield her as much as possible.

Many more huge white trunks followed, rolling over the two prone bodies, covering the humans as the logs formed a huge unruly stack down in the valley.

Then it was all over.

Silence returned as the dust settled.

><><><><><><><

Teal'c and Daniel rushed forward, shocked by what had just taken place. They'd been unable to do anything but watch in horror as their teammates were knocked down and disappeared under the rolling foliage. God, were they crushed, lifeless, under the tangled heap of logs?

Teal'c immediately started pulling and pushing, but the giant trunks were heavy and difficult to move.

Daniel stood, staring, astonished. "Oh, my God," he breathed. "These aren't logs, they're spears of asparagus! Look at that!!"

Teal'c was not impressed. "Asparagus or not, Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter are trapped underneath."

Daniel quickly snapped out of his amazement and rushed forward, offering his help to Teal'c as they worked together to dislodge the first giant log asparagus. "Jack!!! Sam!!! Can you hear me?" he yelled frantically. "God, Teal'c, they must be crushed under there!"

"Calm yourself, DanielJackson. They could be trapped in a pocket between these large plant stems," Teal'c soothed his young friend. "See, the stack is not solid, but there are many spaces where a human could remain safe."

"Sam? Jack?" Daniel continued to call as he and Teal'c worked to move the logs.

There was no response. No movement in the giant asparagus as well.

This was going to take a while, Daniel quickly realized. Even Teal'c's great strength could barely budge the monstrous asparagus trunks. Jackson wasn't sure his friends could wait very long for rescue, even now they could be crushed and dying... "What are we going to do?" he asked helplessly before raising his voice. "Jack!!! Sam!!! Answer me!!!"

Teal'c bent closer to determine if any sound that might come from underneath the asparagus. He shook his head. "I detect no response, Daniel Jackson. We must think of something expediently."

"We need reinforcements," Daniel concluded, realizing that the two of them couldn't manage the task, even with one of them being the incredibly strong Jaffa. "The Stargate's not that far, I could run back and send for some help?"

"That would be a wise decision," Teal'c nodded in agreement. "I suggest that you leave now, and you must hurry. I shall continue removing the stems in hopes of rescuing O'Neill and Major Carter."

"Okay. I'll be back as soon as I can," Daniel promised, sliding his pack off his shoulders and preparing to sprint across the valley. He'd barely taken two steps when he suddenly stopped, rushing back to the stack of asparagus to break off a piece, then turned to leave once again.

"DanielJackson, would you explain?" asked Teal'c with a frown.

"Asparagus, Teal'c. A great delicacy. Love it. Didn't have lunch. Need the energy." He popped a piece of the vegetable into his mouth, and ran off.

><><><><><><><

"Carter?" a voice gasped in the darkness.

"Colonel?"

"Carter, ah, could you ah, move your ah, elbow? That is your elbow, isn't it? Or are you happy to see me?"

She giggled, then wiggled until she could move the offending joint.

"Oomph," he muttered, able now to breathe without the sharp point of his 2IC's elbow digging into his chest. "That's better. Are you all right, Major?

"Well, Sir, apart from barely being able to move, I'm fine, I think. You, Sir?"

"Peachy, Major. Just peachy," O'Neill mumbled, still a little groggy from the impact of his head against something hard, maybe a log, maybe a rock, maybe Carter's head. "What the hell hit us? And why is it so dark?"

"As far as I can tell, Sir, we're buried under that stuff that rolled down the hill."

"Logs, Major, pinned down by big honkin' logs of... something." He shifted uncomfortably, trying to gain more room to breathe. Pushing with his hands at the log across his chest at the same time he made a futile attempt to move his legs, something dug deeply into his thigh. He suppressed a groan as pain speared through his leg. Damn. He was pinned, and pinned quite thoroughly. "Crap," he muttered, just as he heard an odd noise, one that sounded suspiciously like chewing. "Hey, Carter, now is *not* the time to take a lunch break."

"The logs, they're *asparagus,* Sir, and very tasty asparagus. Ripe. Perfect for dinner. You know, this would be exceptional with a nice boullainaise sauce."

"For crying out loud, Carter, we're stuck under a stack of asparagus logs and you're worried about cooking? Women!" he spat with contempt. "We need to get out of here. Think like an officer, not the company cook."

"Well, Sir, we could eat our way out," the blonde Major suggested.

"Eat *raw* asparagus, Major? How uncivilized do you think I am?"

"Colonel, it's not raw. It's cooked in the stem. I think it must be the sunlight, you know the star this planet orbits around does have an odd blue-green light wave shift that could cause the ozone layer to overheat and multiply the heat factor within the confines of the stem while...."

"Ack! Ack!" O'Neill managed to find enough room to waggle a finger in front of her face to stop her babbling. Listening to Carter explain how asparagus got cooked was worse than eating the damn stuff. "I get it. There's something weird about this planet's sun that cooks the crop right in the plant. Can we just call the planet MRE, Major?"

"Yes, Sir. And I'll try not to explain too much, Sir. Wouldn't want to overload your brain. Start eating, Sir. We need to get out of here."

"Ya think?" O'Neill sighed, biting a piece of asparagus off the stem that was pinning his body to the ground. He shook his head unhappily. "This is gonna ruin my diet, you know, Carter."

"Which diet?" she asked in mocked surprise.

"The all junk food, only eat it if it's bad for you and you may not live long but it will seem like forever diet."

"Sir, vegetables are good for you."

"Carter, I really don't care. You know I hate vegetables. My mother always made me eat my vegetables..."

"They're healthy, Sir."

"So is yogurt, tofu and low fat everything. And they all taste wretched, too. Who do you think I am, that veterinarian TV guy, what was his name, MacGyver?"

Sam giggled. "Vegetarian, Sir, MacGyver was a vegetarian."

"Vegetarian, veterinarian. Same difference, Carter."

"Just eat."

"Just *eat*???" O'Neill demanded.

Sighing, Carter repeated herself. "Just eat. *Sir*."

"Yes, mother."

They ate.

><><><><><><

Daniel Jackson made his way back to the strawberry bushes they'd come upon earlier that day. Briefly looking around to get his bearings, he thought he recognized the path they'd followed, and dashed to the left, heading for the tomato fields.

Running and chewing was not a comfortable combination, so he held the piece of asparagus in one hand while he moved, worried as he was about his teammates.

A sudden misgiving assailed him. Shouldn't he have reached the end of the field by now?

Daniel stopped, looking over his shoulder, and then glanced forward before biting off the last soft part of the asparagus. Absentmindedly, he tossed the hard end away.

He wasn't lost, was he? Think, Daniel, he forced himself. They'd come through the Stargate and then moved left. Then they'd reached the end of the field and turned left again. Or was it right?

Damn. He hadn't been paying attention. He'd been too intrigued by what they'd found and had blindly followed his teammates as they explored the planet. Why hadn't he been more alert, like he was supposed to? Jack would kill him for this. The stern words of his friend suddenly echoed in the back of his mind. 'Always know where you're going, Daniel. You never know if you have to make it back alone.'

Shit. Shit. Shit.

His friends were trapped and needed his help. Frantically, Daniel scanned his surroundings, looking for something familiar, and finding nothing. Finally, knowing he couldn't just stand here while his friends might be dying, he thought of Jack's other advice: "Do something. Don't just stand there. Make a decision. Even a bad decision is better than no decision." There, that looked sort of familiar, or so he hoped. Nodding to himself that this had to be the right direction, he ran.

Finally reaching the end of the tomato field, he peered around the corner, expecting to find the Stargate right in front of him.

The big honkin' ring wasn't there.

Instead, there was a village, a cluster of huge round houses made of wood, the roofs thatched with thick layers of branches and leaves neatly folded within each other.

Daniel stopped, taken aback as he hadn't expected this. Though they suspected the area was inhabited, they hadn't seen anyone. He looked more closely, and gasped in surprise when he realized the size of the houses. Those doors had to be almost twice the size of regular doors on earth! The archaeologist hesitated for a brief moment, wondering whether he should show himself to whoever or what-ever lived in this village. Shaking off his doubts, he ran toward the houses, convincing himself that he would find help here.

Help he desperately needed, 'cause his friends were still trapped, and he hadn't been able to get reinforcements because he hadn't been paying attention.

Gasping for air after the long run, Daniel staggered wearily into the village. "Help! Help!" he hollered. He heard a door open, and he stopped, bending over to rest his hands on his knees as he fought to catch his breath. "Thank God," he said, turning to the opening door, and jumped back about six feet.

The 'being' in the doorway, he couldn't really call it human, was staring at him, snarling something in a language that sounded vaguely like... French?

"Please, my friends need help. They're trapped," Daniel pleaded, looking at the 'being' with soulful puppy-dog blue eyes.

"Trapped?" asked the hugely oversized but vaguely humanoid creature who appeared to be studying the smaller human in front of him.

"Yes, under a stack of, well, giant asparagus stems," the linguist tried to explain, desperation shining through in his voice.

The creature started laughing, his dark brown lips forming a wide smile. "Ahhh, good, the asparagus is ripe. Harvest time!" The being turned and ran toward the village square.

'Damn,' cursed Daniel. ‘I'd hoped they would help, not run away.'

The French speaking humanoid creature wasn't running away, though, it ran to the center of the courtyard, and banged a long metal pole against a large metal ring, making a very loud clanging noise that echoed through the village. It didn't take long and more of the aliens ran from their houses. "Harvest!" shouted the creature. "The harvest is ready!"

The village erupted into action. Dozens of equally large, equally French speaking aliens bearing large, heavy canvas-like bags ran from every house. They poured across the valley toward the hill where Jack and Sam were trapped. They paid no attention to the tiny human who was desperately trying to keep up with the pace.

><><><><><

An hour had passed and they were still eating. O'Neill groaned, his stomach so distended that he was sure he looked like he was pregnant. "Are we there yet, Carter? Please tell me we don't have to eat anymore."

"I don't think so, Sir, but I do think I can see a little light shining through over here," Carter responded, then fell silent for a brief second, worried about the odd timbre she could hear in her CO's voice. "Are you all right, Sir?"

"No, of course I'm not all right!" O'Neill shot back. "We're pinned down by asparagus, you made me *eat* them and I happen to *hate* asparagus. So think again!"

"Sorry, Sir..." Sam apologized, not knowing whether to laugh or stay serious. "But I think I can hear voices, Sir. Rescuers, maybe."

"Well it's about time," said O'Neill, burping, "I was just about to ruin my girlish figure."

><><><><><

Teal'c looked up, pausing to wipe the sweat from his brow with his sleeve. He had been working on the pile of logs and had managed to remove six spears. He was not pleased with his progress. He was concerned about his friends. He was also concerned about DanielJackson. The man should have returned by now. What had happened? Why had he been delayed?

A rumbling sound like thunder alerted him. He looked up at the sky. There was no sign of a change in the weather. Then, he recognized the source of the thunder, the thumping of dozens of large feet in heavy, hobnailed shoes; a group of oversized aliens was approaching. The Jaffa immediately searched for cover, his staff weapon held at the ready.

It was only when he spotted his friend running among the creatures that Teal'c stepped forward. He raised his brows in surprise. "DanielJackson, what has transpired?"

Daniel came to a halt next to Teal'c. "I got lost," he explained apologetically. "Then I came across a village and asked for help. I think they are going to help us, but my French is a little rusty and I'm not really sure."

They both watched in amazement as the giant beings started picking up the asparagus as if the logs were mere tinker toys, collecting the huge stems, stuffing them away in their bags as if they weighed nothing. Slowly but steadily the pile shrunk.

Daniel rushed forward. "Careful!" he warned, tapping one of the aliens on the shoulder.

"Huh?" was all about the sound the creature made while staring down at the human. The other aliens stopped for a while, their hairy brows lifted.

Daniel pointed at the pile. "There are two friends of mine trapped underneath. Please, be careful," he explained.

The first alien seemed to understand and mumbled something to its companions.

Daniel stepped closer, bending forward toward the now much smaller pile of asparagus logs. "Sam! Jack!" he shouted. "Can you hear me?"

"Daniel?" Although muffled he could hear their answer.

"Daniel?" It sounded like Sam.

"What are you waiting for? Get us the hell out of here." That definitely was Jack.

Daniel's face lit up with relief. His friends were still alive. "Jack! Are you all right? Is Sam okay? We're getting you out of there!"

The creatures were making stunned sounds, gesturing at each other before they continued with their harvesting.

At last, as more logs were moved, a pair of boots could be seen, and then another pair. Soon, Jack's legs were uncovered. Sam's legs soon followed and two more stems later, Daniel and Teal'c were finally able to make eye-contact with their friends.

"Sam! Jack! God, you guys scared us," Daniel rambled. "Are you all right?" He stuck out a hand to Sam to help her up.

Carter took the proffered hand and groaned out loud while being pulled to her feet. "Ouch," she stammered and started flexing her stiff muscles while making circling movements with her head to stretch her neck.

Teal'c moved to assist O'Neill and frowned when his friend didn't make an attempt to grab the Jaffa's outstretched hand.

"Arrrgggh..." moaned O'Neill. He lifted his upper body by leaning on one elbow while his other arm moved, his hand clutching at his left leg.

"O'Neill!"

"Jack!"

"Colonel?" Carter, although still trembling, rushed forward to kneel next to her CO. "What's wrong, Sir?"

Daniel dropped on Jack's other side. His face paled a couple of shades. "Err... Sam..." The archaeologist's eyes were locked on Jack's thigh. "You might want to take a look at this. Careful..."

Carter quickly stepped over the Colonel's legs and gasped. A white piece of an asparagus stem had apparently broken off, piercing through the man's thigh. Although neither the entrance nor the exit wounds were bleeding much, Carter knew they would as soon as they attempted to move the Colonel. In fact, as O'Neill shifted uncomfortably, the first fresh drops of blood slowly dripped on the ground, coloring it dark red.

"Sir, why didn't you say you were hurt?" Sam questioned, taking in the pain etched on the Colonel's face while she motioned Daniel to hand her the medkit from his backpack.

"Why bother you... there wasn't anything you could do about it anyway," Jack hissed. He slowly lowered himself down to once again lie flat on the ground, closing his eyes before covering his face with one arm. "Besides... it was pretty numb at first...I didn't think it was much of anything." The stabs of pain spiking through his body had increased to a much higher level now that the heavy weight of the stems were lifted off his legs, and they weren't numb anymore. Oh no. He so wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, he knew.

"We must return immediately to the Stargate," Teal'c suggested.

Carter, meanwhile, had opened up the medkit and drew out a syringe. She quickly rubbed her CO's exposed arm and expertly injected the medication. "It will kick in soon, Sir," she said softly before looking up at her other colleagues. "I don't think we should try to remove the spear. I'm just going to wrap bandages around it to stop the bleeding. Then we'll get the Colonel back to the Stargate and Janet can fix him up."

"How?" Daniel briefly wondered. "We need to make some sort of stretcher... that would be more comfortable for Jack than a ride on Teal'c's shoulders..." Looking around he was stunned to see the alien creatures had cleaned up all the asparagus, and just left . The humans, busy helping their teammates, hadn't even noticed it. Throwing a brief glance at his injured friend laying on the ground the archaeologist got to his feet, pointing at the few remaining logs. "Teal'c, we can use these, the aliens haven't taken them.... maybe they were too small for their liking. Or maybe they didn't like them because they are covered with these gray and purple spots... Either way, they look solid enough..."

Teal'c approached the archaeologist and picked up one of the remaining asparagus stems. It was indeed smaller than most of the spears that had crushed his friends, but, holding it upright, it still was at least a foot taller than the top of his head. "Indeed, these will be sufficient. I shall start immediately." The Jaffa took some rope out of his backpack and began tying the asparagus spears together.

Daniel dropped next to Carter. "How is he, Sam?" he asked, frowning in deep concern.

O'Neill had his eyes closed, the lines of pain that had etched his face earlier vanished now that the painkillers were doing their job.

"He's drifted off to sleep. I've carefully cut off the spear close to his skin and wrapped bandages around the wounds to stop the bleeding. Janet will have to fix him up once we're back," Sam said reassuringly. She craned her neck to see what Teal'c was doing. "Maybe you can collect some leaves and spread them over the stretcher Teal'c is making. That will be more comfortable for him."

Daniel nodded in agreement. "The tomato plants have soft leaves, I'll get a load of them." The linguist rushed off in the direction of the tomato field.

It didn't take Teal'c long to finish making the stretcher, six asparagus stems tightly tied together with ropes. With his knife he'd managed to cut out parts of the middle four asparagus on both ends, so the stretcher had handgrips.

Daniel came back with his arms full of green leaves and he carefully spread them over the stretcher, forming some sort of mattress. Unfolding the blanket from his pack, he spread that on top of the leaves and nodded in appreciation. "That should work."

Teal'c bent over O'Neill's sleeping form and gently lifted his CO in his strong arms, carefully placing him on the makeshift gurney. He picked up one side, Daniel lifted the other and then the team was heading for the Stargate. The hike back shouldn't take long and then O'Neill would be handed over to the capable hands of Dr. Janet Fraiser.

><><><><><><

That was, of course, the plan.

What they hadn't counted on was, just as they were approaching the gate, the arrival of an army of Jaffa marching out of the wormhole.

><><><><><><

The team was about to make the last turn around the tomato field, when Teal'c, alerted by familiar noises, called for a halt by slowly lowering the stretcher to the ground and motioning the others to remain silent.

"What?" Daniel whispered, despite the order to keep quiet.

The Jaffa carefully approached the corner and peered around it. Quickly, he drew his head back, made one pointing gesture with his hand to tell the others that they had to leave and picked up the stretcher again.

Carter immediately understood and took point, leading the small group away from the 'gate and back in the direction of the now nearly empty asparagus field.

When safely out of reach Carter stopped. "What's wrong?"

"There were several Jaffa near the Stargate, MajorCarter. I believe they have only just arrived."

"Jaffa? What Jaffa?" Daniel worried.

"I do not know, DanielJackson. They appeared to be Serpent Guards so it could be an army of Apophis, but of that I am uncertain," Teal'c said.

"Great. Just what we needed," Carter mumbled. "We'll have to find a place to hide. Hopefully they leave the Stargate unguarded so we can sneak by them and get the hell out of Dodge."

Daniel glared at her, frowning over the language she used. "Normally, you don't just *sneak* past an army of Jaffa," he objected.

"I know, I know," Carter hissed at him. "Just wishful thinking, okay? We need to get the Colonel home..."

"What about the village," Daniel suddenly wondered. "We really should go warn the aliens, before they get wiped out or something."

"Daniel, the aliens are not top priority on my list right now," Carter said shortly.

"Maybe the aliens have a safe place to hide, or weapons to fight the Jaffa," Teal'c suggested.

Carter thought about it for a moment, briefly staring down at her CO, sound asleep on the stretcher, and sighed. Sometimes it sucked to be the one to make the decisions, she thought. She'd rather have the Colonel be the one in charge so she could concentrate on the fun stuff, studying this fascinating planet. "Where's the village?"

Daniel moved his hand, pointing the direction. "That way. I think."

"You think?" Carter asked. "Weren't you there?"

"Well, I was sort of lost at the time," the young scholar admitted.

"Well, you'll still have to lead, Daniel. I'll help carry the stretcher for a while," Sam ordered. "And you keep your eyes open."

Off they went, in search of the alien village.

><><><><><

They never made it to the village.

SG-1's only warning was the familiar measured tread of armored feet just second before a troop of Jaffa came marching double time from the direction of the gate.

The humans had little time to react. Sam ordered her team mates to do the only thing she could think of. "In here, we need to hide..." With that, the team carefully ducked inside the tomato field. They had to move carefully but quickly, trying not to break off stems or leaves so they wouldn't leave a trace.

It was difficult. A jungle would have been easier to navigate. The deeper they penetrated into the tomato field, the closer the stems seemed to grow. When Carter thought they'd gone far enough, she silently signaled for a halt. "Let's wait and see if they know we're here," she whispered.

They waited for a long time, listening carefully to the sounds around them. No one seemed to be following them, and Carter slowly let go of a breath she didn't know she was holding. "They haven't discovered us," she said, keeping her voice down. "Now what?"

Daniel looked down at Jack, still sleeping quietly, totally unaware of all the commotion around him.

"Perhaps we can leave the tomato field without detection from one of the other sides," Teal'c suggested, pointing in three directions.

Carter's face lit up. "That's a good idea. Let's see... we came from that side, the Stargate is located over there.... We could go and see if we can get out on that side," she indicated the direction by pointing her finger. "Or maybe that way."

"I don't think the Stargate will be left unguarded," Daniel the optimist muttered.

"Well, we've got to do something, right?" Carter hissed back. "We can't stay here forever. The Colonel needs medical attention. Teal'c, why don't you check out that side. Daniel, you stay here and tend to the Colonel. I'll go that way. We'll meet back here in an hour and decide what to do next."

Teal'c nodded approvingly and left.

"Good luck," Daniel mouthed at Sam before she disappeared.

><><><><><><

Teal'c made good progress. He had no problem in keeping direction. He knew where he was going. His instinct would allow him to find his way back to his friends. He trusted on that.

The plants began to thin and Teal'c realized he was reaching the end of the field. He took great precautions in his approach to the open ground. He sensed no trouble and peered out over the fields lying next to the tomato field. He spotted no Jaffa and sensed no immediate danger. A little bit to the left, a couple of hundred yards away, he discovered the roofs of the village. Detecting no commotion indicating trouble, he assumed the Jaffa hadn't reached this side of the field just yet.

Quickly, he turned around and headed back to his friends.

><><><><><><

About fifteen minutes after Teal'c and Sam had left, Daniel noticed that his unconscious friend started to stir. He quickly moved closer and placed a comforting hand on Jack's shoulder.

It still didn't stop the man from moving and soon a soft moan escaped from the injured man's lips. "Damn..."

"Can't you ever wake up and keep still?" Daniel shook his head in disbelief, rolling his eyes without removing his hand from his friend's shoulder.

"Good morning to you, too," the Colonel mumbled.

"How do you feel?" Daniel inquired.

"I think I'm going to be sick," complained Jack as his stomach churned from too much asparagus.

Quickly, the linguist bent closer, a worried frown etched on his face. He prepared to shove one arm under O'Neill's neck to lift him up, only to be stopped by an upraised hand.

"It's ok, Daniel... I think I can keep it down," Jack moved his hand to his abdomen and softly rubbed his stomach. "Remind me not to let Carter pick what's for dinner."

Jackson grinned.

O'Neill motioned to him with his hand.

"What, you're okay?" the archaeologist hastened to ask.

"Yeah, yeah... Help me up, will ya?" the Colonel pulled an annoyed face, then impatiently waved as his friend made no move to do what he was asked. "Daniel, come on..."

Daniel crossed his arms across his chest. "I don't think that's a good idea, Jack. You still have that spear sticking through your thigh. If you start moving around, it will start bleeding again..."

Irritated, Jack struggled to sit up. "And if I don't get up, I will start watering whatever those plants are from here and make a big mess. Which do you think is better for Carter to clean up?" he snapped. Making another gesture with his hand, he changed his voice to a slightly pleading one. " Come on, Daniel. I really need to go..."

Jackson sighed and moved to slide one arm around his friend for support. Pulling, he tried to steady Jack, making sure his friend kept his weight off his injured limb. The pair staggered, swaying dangerously, until they were in the right position.

"This okay?" Daniel asked, still supporting his friend.

"Just peachy," Jack hissed through clenched teeth.

Jackson turned his head to give O'Neill some privacy. As the man was nearly done, Daniel couldn't help but grimace at the smell. "Gee, Jack..."

O'Neill abruptly turned around, waving one finger at the archaeologist. "Not a word, Daniel. If you say one word, I'm going to kill you..." Fidgeting with his clothes, he made sure everything was in order before preparing to move back to the stretcher. "That's what happens when Carter picks dinner. Asparagus makes you smell *so* bad... God, I hate asparagus..."

Chuckling, Daniel quickly helped Jack back, not unaware of the fact that his friend was trembling slightly from the effort and that sheen of sweat was now covering his friend's forehead. He slowly assisted O'Neill back down on the stretcher. "Easy, Jack. Easy."

With disgust, O'Neill stared at the stretcher before lowering himself down. "Is this what I think it is," he complained, pointing at the makeshift gurney he was lying on.

"Err... yes. Teal'c made this out of some left over asparagus spears..." Daniel explained without looking at his friend.

"Great. This is just great," Jack murmured. "First I get crushed by asparagus, next I'm speared by it, then Carter makes me eat it so I smell worse than the dung of Apophis and now I have to lie on it?"

"Err... yes," Daniel nodded, now slightly amused.

"Did I tell you I really *hate* asparagus?"

"Yes, you did."

"Oh," the Colonel laid back and tiredly closed his eyes. "This is *so* not my day..."

><><><><><><

Carter and Teal'c reappeared in front of their teammates close to each other. Carter immediately rushed forward to check on the Colonel, noticing the shimmer of sweat glistering on his temples. "Sir..." she started, gently peeking at the bandages. "Your leg is bleeding... Have you been moving around?"

"No."

"Yes," Daniel admitted at the same time, which earned him a deathly glare from his friend. "Well," the archaeologist shrugged. "He really needed to go..."

Carter shook her head while she worked to put a new bandage on top of the old one. "Sir, I need you to stay put. Got that?"

"Giving orders, Carter?" O'Neill groaned.

"You bet," she threatened. "Now keep still while I try to clean this mess up."

"Yes, ma'am," the Colonel muttered under his breath.

"Teal'c, what did you find on that side?" Sam asked as she put a last knot in place to tighten the fresh bandages.

"I discovered alien habitations, MajorCarter. There appeared to be no signs of Jaffa troops," Teal'c informed her.

O'Neill lifted his head and shoulders, leaning on one elbow. "Jaffa troops? What Jaffa troops?" His eyes flew open, darting from Teal'c to Daniel until they rested on his 2IC, demanding an explanation.

"What did you find, Sam?" Daniel jumped in.

She raised her hands helplessly in the air. "Jaffa troops. Lots of them." She turned to look her commanding officer in the eye. "Sir, when we were heading back to take you home, the Stargate engaged and Jaffa troops came marching through. We had to fall back and are currently hiding in the tomato fields."

"Oh," O'Neill commented dryly, rolling his eyes. "Of course. Now what?"

"Now we need to remain hidden, O'Neill," Teal'c stated.

"Yah' think?" O'Neill slowly allowed his body to relax as he lowered himself back down.

Sam worriedly rested the back of her hand against his forehead before wiping the sweat off from his brow with a strip she'd torn from the hem of her t-shirt. "Just rest, Sir. Let us do the worrying for now." Satisfied that he was at least *sort* of resting, she looked up at Daniel. "I also saw the Goa'uld that came with the Jaffa. It's a woman, someone unfamiliar to me. She's wearing a long blue robe, carrying a scepter and, strangely enough, a stalk of grain. Her army of Jaffa is collecting vegetables and the natives are helping loading everything. The Goa'uld didn't seem to be interested in the locals, just the food. I have no idea what's going on."

Daniel stared at her, his mind racing as he mentally reviewed the insignia of every goddess he knew, hoping to find a match for Sam's brief description. His face lit up. "Of course! That makes sense! I think it would be Demeter, as the Greeks called her. Her Roman name was Ceres. She's the goddess of Earth, of fertility; some call her the goddess of grain..." He waved a hand around at the huge plants around them. "So I'd guess gardens would be her thing."

Sam's face lit up. "That could be the reason why everything on this planet grows so well."

"Yes," Daniel agreed. "Ceres... she's the... oh-uh..." His face suddenly darkened and he lowered his eyes to stare at the ground.

"What is it that is concerning you, DanielJackson?" Teal'c asked.

O'Neill pushed himself to a sitting position again, unable to remain flat on his back, ignoring Carter's glare at his refusal to keep still. "Daniel?"

"Ceres is the daughter of Saturn and Ops..." Daniel started without looking up.

"And?" Jack demanded. "She what, likes rings?"

"Saturn. The Roman equivalent of the Greek God known as Cronus." Daniel looked up now, letting out a deep sigh.

"What?" barked O'Neill. "Cronus??? As in the bad-snake-very-dead-Cronus? The one Teal'c and his buddy killed on..." he gestured with his hand, trying to come up with the name of the planet.

"Juna," Carter helped him.

"Err... yes, that would be the one," said Daniel, still hesitating. "Still, it doesn't make any sense. Ceres was not a bad goddess..."

"Not bad?" O'Neill spat, sitting up straighter. "Not bad??? When was the last time we met a snake that was *not* bad? Huh? Oh, crap..." His face suddenly went white, his eyes narrowing as his hands reached to clutch his wounded thigh.

Carter quickly moved over, gently pushing against his shoulder. "Down, Sir. Rest. That's an order." Only when he complied did she look back up at her teammates, her eyes filled with concern. "So what's the story about this Goa'uld, Daniel?"

"Well, Ceres, as the goddess of fertility, is responsible for the growth of things like food. All of agriculture relied on her help and she was widely worshipped. She had a daughter fathered by Zeus, whose name was Proserpine. The myths tell us that Pluto, also called Hades or the God of the underworld, abducted Prosperpine, making her his queen. Ceres was desperate searching everywhere for her daughter. When Ceres finally found her, she abandoned her divine role until her daughter returned."

"And? So? What does that mean?" O'Neill asked.

"When Ceres is gone, everything stops growing. Earth is slowly dying. There's nothing left. Eventually, Hades and Ceres came to an agreement, whereby Proserpine could stay with her mother for six months each year, while she has to fulfill her role as queen of the Underworld for the other six months. Earth blossoms and grows when Ceres has her daughter back, and declines into cold and darkness when the daughter has to return to Hades. Spring and summer versus autumn and winter," Daniel explained.

"So, since everything is growing and all," Carter filled in. "We can assume that the Goa'uld is happy right now, having her daughter..."

"It is time to harvest, MajorCarter," Teal'c reminded her.

"What do you mean, the tomatoes aren't ripe yet," Sam said, pointing up to where they could all see the still greenish tomatoes dangling on the giant plants.

"That's true, but we don't know how fast things might mature on this planet," Daniel mused. "So, why would she come and claim her stuff..."

"Because she is a damn snake?" O'Neill sarcastically suggested, having again struggled back to a sitting position.

"Or," Daniel continued. "It could be that's she's stocking her larder for the upcoming time when Hades claims her daughter again."

Carter slowly nodded. "That makes sense. She would make sure she had enough to last through her time of grief."

"Then I suggest we remain hidden, MajorCarter. The Goa'uld most likely will return to her home planet when she is finished collecting her food," Teal'c joined in.

"You mean finished *stealing*, Teal'c," O'Neill grunted.

"Well, whatever. But I think Teal'c is right, Sir. We should be safe here, since the tomatoes aren't ripe just yet. Maybe she leaves any time now and we all can go home," Carter said.

"I agree," Daniel nodded as well. "We have enough supplies, let's wait a bit and see what happens."

O'Neill sighed. "Then the decision is made, kids. So lean back, relax and enjoy the view. Oh, and Major?"

Carter looked up in surprise. "Sir?"

"If you even start *thinking* of feeding me tomatoes as well, I'm *so* going to shoot you." With that comment, O'Neill leaned back and closed his eyes.

><><><><><><

That night, the three healthy members of SG-1 took turns in keeping watch. Nothing disturbed their rest, however, which reassured Sam in her hope that the Jaffa troops continued to be unaware of SG-1's presence on the planet.

Noticing that Daniel was making himself useful by preparing breakfast, and knowing Teal'c would remain on guard, she took some time to check again on the Colonel. The Major dropped to her knees next to the stretcher and started her examination by picking up the injured man's wrist. O'Neill was still sleeping and failed to respond to the touch; that was definitely unusual. Frowning in concern, she counted the beats while keeping an eye on her watch, and came to the conclusion that the Colonel's pulse was only a bit elevated.

Next, she checked his forehead and was relieved to find no fever. Last, she moved to check the bandages swathing his hip. Although the movement drew a soft moan from the sleeping man's lips, she couldn't detect any fresh bleeding. Sam knew there wasn't much she could do other than keep the Colonel from moving, give him some painkillers and get him home as soon as possible. With a sigh, she got up and moved over to the others.

"What is O'Neill's condition, MajorCarter," Teal'c queried.

"He's all right for now, Teal'c. But we need to get him home. His leg is going to get infected sooner or later without the proper treatment."

"Then I shall leave immediately to check if it is safe to get back to the Stargate, MajorCarter," Teal'c said, preparing to turn around.

"Now, wait, Teal'c..." Sam objected. "Let's have breakfast first. Then we'll both go while Daniel stays with the Colonel."

"As you wish." The Jaffa slightly bowed his head.

They silently ate breakfast, gulping it down with a mug of hot coffee, or, in Teal'c's case, just plain water from the canteen. Since the Colonel didn't show signs of awakening, Sam decided that she and Teal'c would go check the area again, while Daniel stayed behind with the sleeping man. Having agreed to how long they would both be gone, Sam disappeared in one direction and Teal'c hurried off in the other.

><><><><><><

Sam slowed down as she reached the edge of the tomato field. The commotion in the field had already drawn her attention and, although she realized that the troops hadn't left the planet yet, she decided she needed to see what was going on.

Carefully she approached the last line of tomato-plants and remained hidden behind the stems.

She listened to the sounds coming from the fields. The Goa'uld queen's angry voice was raised above the others as she apparently vented her rage over something. For a moment, Carter wished Daniel was here to help her translate the words. She had no idea what was going on.

She needed to peek. Moving her head slowly, she peered around the stem.

What she saw was a group of the alien natives kneeling, a troop of Jaffa standing behind them to make sure they kept to their knees. The mighty queen Ceres stood in front of the group, her scepter raised high in the air. The mistress of fertility was outraged. Her face held a tight expression, small sharp lines forming the anger around her lips and even her eyes, although not glowing, spat fire.

Next to her, one of the Jaffa held up a pair of asparagus spears, while another one pointed at the dark spots on the lower part of the stems.

Sam closed her eyes in sympathy as the Jaffa started beating the still kneeling, giant aliens on their backs in some sort of punishment ritual. The loud howls of pain echoed around the field.

Then there was silence.

The beaten aliens shuddered, but none of them moved an inch. They kept their faces bowed forward to the ground.

Another Jaffa appeared out of nowhere, with three other aliens following him, pulling a large, heavy cart. Sam was unable to see the content of the cart, but watched as the Goa'uld signaled for the aliens to bring the load to her.

It didn't take long before the queen looked up. Whatever the cart contained, it had not made her any happier. She started yelling again and Carter was positive that this time her eyes now glowed. Another Jaffa approached and reached inside the cart, picking up yet another asparagus spear before letting it drop again. Gesturing wildly, Ceres held her hand high above the cart without stopping her continuous flow of angry sounds. Frowning at the whole scene, Carter decided she'd seen enough and fell back.

><><><><><><

About twenty minutes after Carter and Teal'c had left, Daniel noticed that Jack was starting to wake up. Reaching for the canteen first, Daniel moved closer and waited until his friend had opened his eyes. "Morning," he greeted.

O'Neill blinked a couple of times, stared at the giant tomato plants that were growing far above him, and then moved his head to look at Daniel. "Morning..."

"How are you feeling, Jack?" Daniel inquired, placing the canteen within his friend's reach. "You want to sit up a bit?"

"I'm fine," O'Neill quickly responded. He stretched his neck to look around him for the closest stem he could lean against. Pointing at it, he moved his upper body to a sitting position, and, grimacing, started shifting in the planned direction.

Daniel rushed forward to help, but stopped at a sharp gesture of Jack's hand.

Jack slowly worked his way over, using his hands to pull himself up and his good leg to push himself backwards until he could recline against the tomato stem. Leaning his head backwards against the plant, the Colonel held his eyes closed as the sharp stabs of pain shooting through his leg faded slowly.

Daniel, meanwhile, opened up the medkit and gathered painkillers and antibiotics. He handed his friend the canteen with water and offered him the medicine.

Jack doubtfully stared at the pills. "What are those?" he demanded.

Daniel sighed, rolling his eyes. "Just some painkillers, Jack. Plus I think you should take these antibiotics as well, just as a precaution."

"Humph," the stubborn Colonel protested, but with an annoyed look he snatched the pills, tossed them into his mouth and quickly washed them down with some water.

Daniel shook his head slightly. "You want something to eat?" he decided to change the subject.

"As long as it's not asparagus or tomatoes," Jack responded. "Where are Carter and Teal'c?"

"They're checking the area, Jack. Relax," Daniel answered, reaching for some bread to hand over to his friend. "Hopefully the Goa'uld and her Jaffa have left the planet so we can go home. Now eat."

"Now eat? Gee, Daniel, you sound like Carter..."

"I don't care. Stop whining and eat."

"Yes, Dad."

><><><><><><

Carter and Teal'c returned.

"Good morning, Sir," Carter greeted her CO. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," O'Neill sighed, getting tired of all the well meaning but cloying attention directed at him. "I'm fine. Any luck, kids?" He looked hopefully up at them.

Carter immediately shook her head. "Ceres is still here. I saw her punishing the locals over something concerning the asparagus harvest. I think it's got something to do with the marks on the spears, maybe some sort of disease that has affected the vegetables... Whatever it was, the Goa'uld was pretty upset."

"I discovered Jaffa on the other side as well," Teal'c solemnly informed the others. "I have also investigated the side near the Stargate and it appears to be well guarded."

"Damn," commented Daniel. "So Ceres isn't leaving just yet..."

"What's the status of our supplies, Carter?" O'Neill practically inquired.

"We've got enough water to last another day or two, if we're careful, Sir," Carter said. "The SGC isn't expecting us back yet, so we can hold on a little while longer."

"What if she doesn't leave?" Daniel wanted to know.

"Then we'll have to think of something," O'Neill answered shortly. "We can't wait until Hammond sends a probe... it will alert the Jaffa and then we'll never get a chance to go through that gate."

"So?" Daniel asked impatiently.

"So, we hold our horses for another day," O'Neill decided. "Maybe the snakehead will get tired of this lovely place and move out today."

"And if she doesn't?" the archaeologist wondered.

"Then we'll switch to plan B," O'Neill answered shortly.

Daniel raised an eyebrow. "And plan B is..."

O'Neill sighed heavily, irritated by all the questions to which he had no answers. "I don't know, Daniel. We'll just have to figure that out tomorrow morning, ok?"

"We must come up with a distraction to lure the Jaffa from the gate, DanielJackson," Teal'c explained.

"Yeah, I know. But how?"

"We will have to improvise," was Teal'c's simple answer.

"Now that is really helpful," muttered Daniel.

><><><><><><><

Ceres and her Jaffa did not leave.

SG-1 stayed hidden in the tomato field all day, then through the long, quiet night. Dawn brought no better news. There was no sign of the Goa'uld and her entourage departing.

"Plan B time then," said O'Neill, rubbing a weary hand across his face. Though he'd slept well, hell, he'd done nothing but sleep all day yesterday, he felt tired and ill at ease and on edge. Maybe it was just being so close to such a big contingent of the enemy. Or maybe it was just the heat. The sun had only been up for half an hour, but it already seemed uncomfortably warm. "Daniel, here," Jack started to slide out of his jacket, ready to hand it to the team's archaeologist.

"What are you doing, Sir?" Carter asked, frowning.

"Ah, what does it look like? Taking off my jacket."

"Sir…" Carter started to object.

"I'm warm. I'm taking off my jacket," he glared at his 2IC. "I don't need your permission to take off my jacket."

"But you should keep it on, Sir. It's chilly, and you're hurt."

"It's not chill… Damn," even as he said the words he realized it wasn't the air that was warm, it was him. He raised his gaze to meet Carter's and her look of concern mirrored his own.

Reaching down, the Major laid a cool hand on his forehead. "Fever," said Carter, Daniel and O'Neill, all at the same moment.

"So now what do we do?" Daniel asked, worried.

"We still go to plan B," O'Neill insisted. "We get Serious and her army away from the gate."

"How?" Daniel inquired.

His question wasn't immediately answered as silence fell, each member of SG-1 searching his brain to come up with a plan.

"Where's the nearest asparagus field, Teal'c?" Jack suddenly asked. He knew the Jaffa had reconnoitered the area.

"There is a field still standing just one field over, on the far side of this tomato field."

"Did it look ripe?"

"Yes, quite."

"Good, we'll move over there then," O'Neill decided.

"Why?" Jackson was baffled.

O'Neill explained briefly, the others nodding in agreement as he unveiled his plan.

Carefully then, Daniel and Teal'c picked up the handles of their makeshift stretcher, and began to carry O'Neill away from the Stargate, towards the tall, ripened stalks of asparagus.

Teal'c called for a halt when they reached the edge of the tomato field. "I do not see any sign of the Goa'uld or her Jaffa, O'Neill," the man from Chulak stated.

"No sign of the natives?" Carter wanted to know.

"None, MajorCarter. I suggest that we should move quickly."

Once again picking up the stretcher, SG-1 hurried across the short stretch of open ground, and were quickly hidden in the asparagus field. It was difficult maneuvering within the thickly growing plants. The stems were lush and ripe, warm to the touch.

"These are very near ripe, Sir," Carter informed the others. "They feel warm. Another few hours of sun and they should be ready for harvest."

The team moved into position, finding a spot near the end of the field, still hidden, but with a ready lane of retreat.

"Okay, Teal'c, Carter, you know what to do?" Jack asked, wiping the sweat from his brow. When Daniel handed him his canteen he gratefully took it and drank deeply before sliding back to lean against an asparagus stem. "Timing is important. Everyone got the plan?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Yes, O'Neill."

"Sure, Jack."

"Okay then, synchronize your watches. 1300 is the time."

Daniel watched as Teal'c and Sam left, a worried frown forming on his face.

"What's the matter, Daniel?" O'Neill didn't fail to notice the concerned expression of his younger companion.

"I just don't know about this plan, Jack."

"Well, no one else came up with anything better," the Colonel defended his idea.

"True. But it's risky," Daniel argued.

O'Neill shrugged nonchalantly. "Our plans are always risky. That's what makes them so much fun."

"Fun? Oh now I know you're feverish." Daniel paced for a bit, then finally settled down to sit on the damp soil beside his team leader.

Jack was dozing. His leg was hurting this morning, hurting a lot more. He had the bad feeling that he really needed to get back home, get to the infirmary, because his whole body was beginning to ache almost as much as his head ached. He was vaguely aware of the concerned frowns Daniel aimed at him but he was too exhausted to reassure his friend.

At last, 1300 arrived.

Teal'c strolled calmly out of the asparagus patch, within sight of a squadron of Ceres' Jaffa. "Good day," he called out to them.

"You are a Jaffa of Apophis? What are you doing on this world?"

"Fishing," said Teal'c, grinning to himself, thinking how much O'Neill would enjoy that joke.

Ceres' Jaffa exchanged looks before one of them glanced at the dark man in front of them. "Fishing? Here? You must come with us."

"I am sorry, but I cannot," said Teal'c, firing his zat at the enemy, then calmly turning and walking into the asparagus field.

The Jaffa stood whispering among themselves, then one went jogging back toward the gate.

Within minutes, Ceres and more than two dozen Jaffa were at the edge of the field. "Go after him," she demanded, waving an arm into the garden.

The Jaffa marched.

The heavy rhythmic tread of their feet echoed through the asparagus. It made the ground tremble, and the mighty stalks began to quiver and shake.

With a roar like thunder, one stalk toppled over, after receiving a helpful push from Carter. Then, like dominoes, another, another and another, crashed all around the Jaffa, trapping them. Their hoarse shouts soon drew the other Jaffa into the asparagus field in hopes of rescuing them. Instead, they too were trapped as the heavy, ripe vegetable stems were falling all around like dominoes.

Once inside the field, Teal'c ran, Carter joining him, and they were quickly back to the spot they had left Daniel and their wounded leader. The two able bodied men picked up the litter and with Carter on point, P-90 at the ready, they quickly moved out, toward the gate.

Behind them, they could hear Ceres screaming furiously at her Jaffa.

The gate was just ahead. Carter used the zat to take out three Jaffa who remained on guard, then ran to the DHD starting the dialing process.

"Hurry, Sam!" Daniel called. "I think I can hear them coming behind us!"

The gate kawhooshed.

The sound of Jaffa steps from behind the field to their left was unmistakable.

Carter punched in the GDO code, and waited for an acknowledgement.

The steps were getting closer.

They waited.

And waited.

The troops would come around the corner any second now.

"Daniel Jackson, you will have to assist O'Neill," the Jaffa urged, setting down his end of the stretcher. Picking up his staff weapon, Teal'c took a few steps back toward the edge of the field. "I will hold them off until you may enter the wormhole!"

Daniel grasped Jack's hand and pulled him to his feet.

The tall soldier gasped with pain as his leg protested the effort of getting upright. Everything around him started spinning, making him dizzy and O'Neill was swaying on his feet. Fighting to hold the nausea at bay, he staggered, leaning on Daniel for support, staring toward the wormhole, still waiting for the OK to head for home.

"Come on, come on, open the damn iris," Daniel whispered, wondering what was taking so long.

Behind them, they heard Teal'c's staff weapon blasting, then a wet plop!

"What was that?" Daniel asked, startled.

"Ever thrown a tomato, Daniel?" Jack smirked, watching over his shoulder as Teal'c's shots knocked another nearly ripe tomato off a vine, the oversized fruit bursting on the heads of several Jaffa, bowling them over and showering them with bits of red, juicy tomato.

"Okay, Sir, we can go!" Carter yelled while rushing to O'Neill's side. Like Daniel, she supported him, both functioning like a pair of human crutches.

They hobbled to and through the gate, Teal'c running to join them, stepping into the Stargate as more Jaffa rounded the corner of the tomato field.

SG-1 burst through the shimmering blue event horizon, the wormhole snapping shut behind them.

"Whoa. That was a close escape," Carter sighed.

"Yeah, Teal'c really pasted them," O'Neill had to grin.

Daniel groaned. "That was such a bad pun, Jack."

Carter chuckled, but her laughter ceased quickly as she felt the body of her CO starting to tremble. "Easy, Sir," she said, only now realizing how heavily he was leaning on her.

"Where is that medical team?" Jackson shouted into the direction of the control room before turning his attention back to his friend. "Let's get you down, Jack," he suggested as he felt his friend stumble. The linguist was afraid they wouldn't even reach the end of the ramp.

"I'm fine," protested O'Neill but even his voice sounded weak and with the next step he tried to take, his wounded leg gave away underneath him. Luckily his friends were able to save him from an undignified landing and he was gently being eased down. "At least bring me a real stretcher this time," he gave in, sighing out loud.

Dr. Fraiser appeared out of nowhere, immediately dropping to her knees beside the injured man, to make a first assessment. "Colonel, what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing out of the ordinary," the weary man mumbled, making a faint gesture with his hand to point at his bandaged leg, which was now fast leaking dark red fluid. "It's just another hole to add to the collection..."

"Colonel O'Neill's thigh has been punctured by a plant stem. I left the piece in place, just cut it off for easier bandaging," Major Carter quickly summarized.

Fraiser could see the nasty wound, and looked at the Major in surprise. "A *plant* did this?"

"Asparagus plant, Janet." Sam confirmed.

"Big giant asparagus," Daniel clarified.

"I think it's getting infected," Carter added.

"You *think*?" O'Neill shot at her, although he didn't raise his gaze, but slowly closed his tired eyes instead. Wearily, he allowed his body to relax and surrender to the healing hands of the one and only doctor he trusted in the whole universe.

Fraiser had finished her first vitals check and motioned for the orderlies to approach with the gurney. "Okay, let's get the Colonel to the OR, stat," she announced. She watched approvingly as gentle hands lifted her patient onto a gurney. "Let's move, people!"

The medics rushed out of the gateroom, leaving the rest of SG-1 staring at the closing blast doors behind them.

"You think he'll be okay?" asked Daniel, arms crossed in front of his chest.

"O'Neill is a very strong man, DanielJackson," Teal'c said reassuringly. "I am positive DoctorFraiser will be able to cure him."

"Yeah," agreed Sam. "Let's get cleaned up and checked out. Maybe Janet will know more by then."

><><><><><><><

SG-1 finished their showers, post-mission medicals and had attended to a briefing to update the General before they arrived in the infirmary, eager to learn the details of their commanding officer's condition.

Doctor Fraiser was still working on the Colonel, a nurse informed them and the waiting they all hated so, started.

It was about fifteen minutes later when Hammond also showed up to be informed on the status of his 2IC. "Any news, Major?" he asked of the worried looking Carter.

"No, Sir," Sam responded. "Janet hasn't come out of the OR yet."

Daniel was sitting on the floor, leaning with his back against the wall. He'd draw up his knees and rested his head on his arms. "What's taking her so long," he muttered.

"Maybe it was a complicated wound, Daniel," Carter tried to reassure her teammate.

"I am certain that DoctorFraiser will do what is needed to heal O'Neill," Teal'c joined in.

Hammond looked at his first contact team, admiring the bond they had together. It was what made them unique, and he knew they would stay in the infirmary until their CO was released by the doctor and they could take him home with them. Not wanting to think about a different scenario where they wouldn't ever be able to take him home, Hammond pondered whether he should hang around and wait for the first news with SG-1 or to go back to his office.

The decision was made for him as finally Doctor Fraiser came walking down the corridors, heading for the room where she knew the rest of SG-1 would be waiting. The female doctor had taken off her surgical gloves and had quickly changed into a clean coat before stepping outside to give her report.

Four pairs of worried eyes searched her face, questioningly, demandingly.

"We have successfully removed the piece of the asparagus stem from the Colonel's leg," she started. "We managed to repair all the damage and although an infection has already set in, I think we'll be able to fight it off with a strong dose of antibiotics."

"You think, but you're not sure," Daniel interrupted her impatiently.

"As you know, Daniel, it's always a wait and see game with the unknown types of bacteria and viruses that you come across off world. Besides," Fraiser looked up to meet everybody's glance to make sure she had their full attention, "there's a complication."

"What complication?" Hammond asked.

"I'm not sure, Sir," she said, her eyes showing her concern. "The Colonel's injured leg is also showing several unidentified purple lesions, and they seem to be spreading. I haven't been able to determine what they are or what might be causing them."

"Purple spots?" asked Sam in surprise.

"Yes, small purple spots, the size of a quarter, or smaller, like stains or lesions, on his skin. My initial tests have shown there's no damage underneath the skin and first analyses of the Colonel's blood shows nothing unusual. He is running a pretty high fever, which is to be expected from the infection in his leg. What I don't know is if those spots are causing or are caused by the rise of his core temperature. I really could use your help on this, Sam."

The blonde Major nodded in agreement. "Of course." She turned to Daniel and Teal'c. "Why don't you go and sit with the Colonel while I assist Janet?"

The two men nodded and left, Daniel quickly glancing over his shoulder before he was out of the door.

"Isolation room 3," Janet called after him.

><><><><><><><

Teal'c stood still at the foot end of the bed and watched in silence as his young friend and team mate used a damp cloth to wipe the sweat off of their commander's fever flushed face.

O'Neill was extremely quiet and only his face moved slightly as if in turning towards the proffered coolness. The gray-haired man was hooked up to the familiar monitors and an IV-line was attached to his right hand.

Daniel continued sponging his friend's face and moved to rewet the cloth before starting pressing the piece of material to O'Neill's neck. Throwing a quick glance at the monitors the archaeologist worriedly bit his lip. "Come on, Jack. You've got to fight this," he softly whispered to the still man.

"I am confident that DoctorFraiser and MajorCarter will determine the source of the problem and cure O'Neill," Teal'c stated reassuringly.

Daniel looked up, moving his head to meet the Jaffa's eyes. "Yeah, me too," he agreed, although he didn't sound too convinced just yet. He placed the cloth on the nightstand and moved his hand to lift the bedcovers in order to take a good look at the purple stains for himself. O'Neill's thigh was swathed in white bandages, but Daniel could easily see the grey and purple lesions dotting the calf of the bare leg.

"Since when are you interested in my legs?" Jack's voice was soft and weak but the sarcasm was evident.

Daniel jerked his head into his friend's direction, his cheeks turning reddish. "Jack! You're awake!"

"What gave it away?" the man in the bed mumbled.

"O'Neill, it is good to hear you speak," the Jaffa stoically greeted his CO.

"How are you feeling?" Daniel hastened to ask, already leaning over to fetch the glass of water. Holding it at the right angle, he pushed the straw between Jack's lips and watched as the feverish man slowly sipped.

O'Neill licked his dry lips afterwards before answering. "Like crap."

"That bad, huh?" Daniel said, wincing in sympathy.

"You guys all okay?"

"We're all fine, just worried about you."

"Why?" Jack asked. "Doc removed the damn spear, didn't she?"

Jackson quickly place a hand on O'Neill's shoulder to keep him from moving. "Yes, she did, Jack," he hurried to say. "It's just that..." Daniel wondered if he should reveal the complication.

"Just what?" Jack demanded.

"You're running a fever..."

"I noticed that," the sarcasm was back.

"... and, well, there are some strange purple spots all over your legs," Daniel explained.

"Purple what? For crying out loud," murmured the Colonel. He struggled to sit up so he could take a look at his legs, but was held down by his friend.

"Leave it, Jack. You'll only pull out the stitches. Janet and Sam are working on the problem, they'll figure it out," Daniel said firmly. The linguist gathered the cloth, re-wet it and pressed it against the Colonel's forehead. "Just rest. You're running a pretty high temperature."

"Oh..." Jack sighed and slowly allowed his tired body to relax, his eyes sliding shut once more before he murmured. "Remind me to have the addresses of all the planets with asparagus removed from the computer, will yah?"

Daniel chuckled. "Sure."

"And tomatoes, too, all the tomato planets..."

"Right, Jack. Now rest."

"Rest sounds good..." the Colonel's voice was fading as he was already falling back into the restless slumber he'd been in before.

The two members of SG-1 watched worriedly as their leader drifted off to sleep.

><><><><><

Janet and Sam had been at work in the lab for hours, studying samples of the purple material which formed the lesions on Colonel's skin. Dr. Fraiser was getting increasingly worried as the purple spots had now spread to both of the Colonel's legs.

Carter, seated behind her microscope in the lab, suddenly looked up to meet Frasier's questioning eyes. "I think I know what this is!"

"What, Sam?"

"Well," the Major started, hesitating. "It's a fungus, I think it's an asparagus fungus."

"A *plant* fungus?" Janet frowned disbelievingly.

"Yes. It makes sense," Carter nodded. "The asparagus on that planet were infected with some kind of disease. The Goa'uld was pretty upset about that. The tissue samples I have here from the Colonel's skin are proving my theory. I think that whatever was affecting those asparagus logs has now infected the Colonel as well."

"You mean the Colonel is suffering from an asparagus disease?" Janet asked, stunned by what she heard. She got up to look into Sam's microscope.

Carter, meanwhile, grabbed a computer keyboard and started punching in a series of commands. "I know it sounds unbelievable, Janet. I know plant diseases rarely affect humans, but the Colonel did have direct contact with those plants; his skin was punctured, the plant was in direct contact with his tissues and his blood. I'm sure this is the answer, although I don't know how knowing this will provide the cure." Sam paused, running a hand through her hair. "The lesions affecting the Colonel," she pointed to her microscope, "appear to have all the same characteristics as that fungus," she pointed at the computer screen.

Janet looked into Sam's microscope, carefully examining the skin tissue before glancing over at the fungus pictured on the computer before looking up and nodding in agreement. "This certainly looks like the same sort of fungus... Incredible."

"Here..." Sam pointed at the monitor. "When I searched for asparagus diseases on Earth, I found this. It looks similar to what we've seen on PR4-437."

Fraiser grabbed a chair, pulled it closer and sat down next to Sam before reading the information on the screen. "Stemphylium vesicarium... symptoms appear as lesions that have tan to gray centers and dark purplish borders... Also known as purple spot..." the doctor looked up. "Well, I'll be damned..." she sighed.

"Look here..." Carter pointed at the screen, scrolling the text down a bit and began reading. "Purple spot can be severe during cool, wet springs. Twelve hours of wetness is necessary for infection and the disease is more severe with abrasion from wind-blown sand."

"Was it moist on that planet?" Janet asked.

"Not really," Sam shook her head. "I can't remember it being windy either... but then again, those could have been the conditions before we got there. The soil did seem moist, like they'd recently had rain."

"So now what do we do?" Fraiser asked, thinking out loud. "We've identified the infective agent, but where do we get more information about this disease in order to come up with a treatment?"

"Do you still have that asparagus piece you removed from the Colonel's thigh?" Carter asked.

Fraiser's face lit up. "Yes, I think so. I better go and put some samples away before somebody tosses it out."

"Okay," agreed Sam. "You go ahead while I gather as much information as I can about this."

Fraiser already had reached the door but looked back over her shoulder. "You know, the Colonel is really going to hate this."

Carter giggled. "You think so? Just make sure no one serves him asparagus soup when he's recuperating."

><><><><><><

"Okay, we're nearly there, Colonel," Fraiser said upon entering O'Neill's room. "Sam has come up with a solution."

The man in question looked up from the bed, his eyes overly bright due to the fever he was still running. "Sounds good," he murmured.

Jackson also looked up, relief flooding his face. "You've found a cure?"

"Sam's working on it.... we know what this is now and she's close to finding the antidote," Janet explained as she approached the bed. "How are the legs, Sir?" she asked, pushing aside the blankets to pick up one of the Colonel's feet.

"They're... sort of... disobeying orders," O'Neill said with a tired sigh.

Fraiser had lifted his limb from the bed and tested his reflexes. "It *is* stiff, Sir. Can you feel this?" She tapped on his calf, waiting for him to nod. "Good. The fungus seems to be having some paralyzing effects..."

At that frightening word, O'Neill roused enough to throw her a questioning glare. "Paralyzing?"

"We're confident it's only temporarily, Colonel. Sam has already figured this out." Fraiser put his leg down, patting it reassuringly before she looked up to meet his gaze. "Your legs almost look like real asparagus now, Sir. Anything else stiffening besides the legs?"

Not wanting to inform her of another part of his body that at the moment truly resembled an asparagus, he fought hard not to blush. He just hoped nobody was noticing it, since there was nothing he could do to cover it up with his legs unable to bend. Directing his attention to his arms he lifted them one by one, bending and stretching them. "Nope. Everything else works."

"Are you sure, Jack?" Daniel approached the bed, looking worriedly at his friend. The linguist knew O'Neill had the habit to hide his pain and discomfort under even extreme circumstances.

"Yes, I'm sure, Daniel." Irritated, O'Neill made a slight gesture with his hand in the direction of his blanket covered legs. "Don't you think having two stalks on one body is enough, huh?"

Daniel shrugged, helplessly lifting his shoulders for a brief moment. Not knowing how to respond he was glad to find the door being opened as their female colleague stepped inside. There was a huge smile on Sam's face as she raised a vial she clutched in her right hand.

"This is it, Sir," Carter announced, approaching the bed. She took in the pale features of her commanding officer, glad it hadn't taken her longer to figure this out. She handed the vial over to Janet and watched as the doctor quickly emptied the dark purple fluid into O'Neill's IV-line.

"How long before it kicks in?" Fraiser asked, looking up at the blonde Major.

"Oh, several hours, I think. This is pretty amazing stuff..." Sam was bearable able to contain her enthusiasm.

"There's nothing pretty to it if you ask me," was the grumpy reply from the hospital bed.

"Sorry, Sir..." Carter looked apologetically at her still feverish CO. "I know it wasn't pleasant for you." She shrugged nervously. "But studying this fungus and the effects it had on a human body was really a big surprise... I don't understand it yet, but this fungus has a high potential to stiffen up muscles, blood vessels and possibly even bones. I've never seen anything like it."

"O'Neill indeed has not been able to move his legs," nodded Teal'c.

Carter hesitated, then shyly raised her head. "Your legs were stiff, Sir?"

O'Neill returned her glance with an annoyed and irritated glare. "As stiff as asparagus logs, Major."

"Mmmm," Sam nodded. "Was it just the legs, Sir? Or did it have effect on other parts of your body as well?"

"Other parts?" O'Neill snapped, as he uncomfortably shifted on the bed.

Carter hesitated, her face slightly blushing. "Sorry, Sir. But I have to ask..."

"What are you implying, Sam?" Fraiser stepped forward, staring at her friend in utter surprise.

"Oh, for crying out loud..." muttered Jack, closing his eyes and trying to disappear into the bed.

"Well... think of it, Janet," Sam looked at the doctor, unable to hide her enthusiasm now. "If I'm right, this fungus contains an ingredient that has effects similar to sildenafil, only from what I've seen it's much more predictable and it doesn't contraindicate with nitrates, as sildenafil does."

"Carter?" O'Neill snapped from the bed.

"Can somebody please explain?" A confused Daniel was staring from one person to the other. Teal'c was displaying his usual frown, Janet's face was clearing up, Sam's was a mixture between excitement and shame and Jack, coming to think of it, seemed to be trying to crawl completely under the blankets.

"Sildenafil is the main ingredient used in Viagra tablets, Daniel," Fraiser explained with a slight smile around her lips.

"I have not heard of this Viagra before," Teal'c was still frowning.

"Humph..." O'Neill's complaints were barely audible now as he'd managed to pull the blankets partially over his face.

"Yes!" Carter babbled, her eyes shining. "We'll need a lot more research on this, but I think we're looking at what could quite possibly become a replacement for Viagra, hopefully a much more reliable, natural one with fewer side effects. This is just fantastic!"

Daniel stared from her to Janet before bursting out in laughter. He had to take his glasses off to wipe his eyes. "Viagra.... oh, my. This is really, really good..."

"Will you stop laughing already?" Jack barked.

"What's so funny then?" wondered Fraiser.

"Well," Daniel explained between the chuckles he was barely able to control. "Ceres was the Goddess of... fertility..."

Carter smiled, now, too. "I doubt it that this is what she had in mind. You think we should go back and tell her?"

Daniel looked at her, a small sly smile lighting up his face. "Maybe we should..." He heard the stifled objections and curses coming from under the sheets and shook his head in dismay. "This certainly gives her fertility a whole new meaning..."

<<< THE END >>>

Chez Corine