----------------Holland, Rotterdam-------------------
by Camilla

---Friday 18th April---

After travelling for most of Thursday, and spending the rest of the time threading punched Zine pages through binders, I made my way to Heathrow by coach. Everything was going fine until someone informed me the coach didn't stop at every terminal. A woman next to me attempted to calm my worries by patting my arm and murmuring "don't worry dear, you only have to get on a train". A train?? So, I got a bit lost on the Heathrow express, and finally had to ask a conductor (who turned out to be French) where the heck I was meant to be going.
We can conclude therefore, from this holiday, that whereas most of the time I have no idea, the foreigners know exactly where I am and where I am going.

I met up with Elizabeth and her famous THUD t-shirt at the KLM check- in point, and we got seats next to each other. We got on a bus that took us the two feet to the aircraft, and then boarded an alarmingly small prop-plane, with eagles on the engine! Eagles! Jack!

When collecting our baggage on the other side, we spied two small children jumping up and down in apparent hysteria and staring in our direction. Supposing that they were not random members of the public entranced by our auras, we decided they must be Nerissa and Kevin, with their mum, Corine.
Elizabeth discovered that someone had put a steering wheel in the front passenger seat of Corine's car, and then we spent a few minutes trying to escape from the airport car-park.

Once we had gotten back to Corine's house and completed our recon, familiarised ourselves with the locations of the locker room, the embarkation room and the as yet unlabelled `decontamination room', we were ready to set out again in search of Amsterdam airport. Nerissa kept me occupied in the car by reading me her Donald Duck comic, and we got to the airport with some time to wait for Nicka to arrive. I instructed her by text to attack the baggage men in order to arrive faster, and apparently she did this and arrived unscathed and with all luggage intact. Kudos.

When we arrived back at Base we found Martina and Mary waiting for us, lounging outside the house and scaring the neighbours (and making first contact with the bread-man by repeatedly saying the only Dutch word they knew, `five'). We sunbathed and recovered ourselves until the next batch of JackFicers arrived, Ellen Regina, Steffi and Thomas. Raoul was also present and accounted for by this point (and I think I managed to say his name at least three times upon meeting him), so everyone was present! The Zines were whipped out, the silence was a credit to the writers, and my rucksack with a good five kilos lighter than it had been that morning.

Amazingly, and as proof of Martina and Mary's ability to say `five' correctly, the Bakery man did indeed return at five. Success!

Dinner was served outside and we were all let in on how wonderfully fed we were all going to be on this weekend! Also, Nicka and me found someone else who ate as fast as us (each other). Rah!

The evenings video menu consisted of:

Corine's music videos
Old RDA interviews
Stargate: Solitudes
Stargate: Redemption 1
Stargate: Redemption 2

---Saturday 19th April---

After a wonderful breakfast spread, we voted to go to Rotterdam for some shopping before the stores closed for the Easter weekend (and plus in crowded places there is more chance of finding Jack). The double-decker train took us to the mall, and I went off with Mary, Martina, Elizabeth and Nicka on a mission for O'Neill brand clothes.
Pillaging and terrorising the local stores as we went, we searched high and low for the sought after items, and finally found a sports shop that would cater for our needs. Ready to take responsibility for a sudden rise in the sales of O'Neill items, we scoured the clothes racks. The group entered with nothing, and exited adorned in O'Neill caps, t-shirts, and other miscellaneous items of Jack-ness. Finally satisfied, we started walking at a pace slower that thirty miles an hour. Nicka and me had time for a hotdog, and wondered if we were going nuts when we thought we saw Vanilla Coke. It turns out that Vanilla Coke does exist, but that we are still nuts.

Walking out of the mall towards the SuperStores we found a supply store with massive amounts of army goods, responsible for a good few glazed expressions and shouts of "Jack uses this!". We spent a long time admiring lethal looking knives and Jack (sorry, `black') army- vests, and the only thing stopping me buying a bow and arrows (a-la Nox) was the thought that they wouldn't let me in the airport let alone on the plane.

We all met up again, compared reconnaissance information, shared spoils and bemoaned the absence of Jack. After a three-o'clock lunch of comparing purchases and eating food much preferable to MRE's, we headed back to base. Back at the SGC, while Nicka commenced Nerissa and Kevin's training for the egg hunting on Sunday, we watched the following:

Martina's Convention Video
Stargate: Message In A Bottle
Stargate: A Matter Of Time
Stargate: Need
Stargate: Descent
Stargate: Paradise Lost

---Sunday 20th April---

Morning was once again made liveable by a scrummy breakfast, and after some lounging, film watching and sunbathing, we were given the option of LaserGames! An intrepid band set out, while an even more intrepid band stayed in. Martina, Mary and Elizabeth stayed behind to brave yet more videos and films with RDA, gathering valuable background information while we embarked on our mission.

The Vla was rescued from the steaming hot cars, and the first Laser- game was played. I fear my bad score was due to my giving myself away with periodic screams of " go go GO!" and "cover me!" and then collapsing into fits of giggles. I was having far too much fun shouting "I'm shot!" as my vest vibrated in a decidedly dodgy way and I slid to the floor dramatically - ending up in the perfect position to be shot by Kevin when I eventually revived (like Jack in Abyss, but with less stubble).

The score cards were obtained. Nicka found the F1 on telly, and was lost to us. Raikkenen!! (I have no idea who this is, I just know that I am in mortal peril if I don't scream his name and sound supportive :P) Another LaserGame was played.

Precisely two minutes after the second game is completed, the awful truth is revealed. We were reduced to shock. Our respected game winner `Aztec' (Thomas) for whom we held so much awe… had been repeatedly shooting the children. Kevin 17 times, Nerissa 23 times!
We are all traumatised, Steffi can't stop repeating the numbers, "twenty-three times, twenty-three times!!" Nerissa was reportedly `very angry' with Thomas for his despicable behaviour. Quite right too.

Upon my request to see a Dyke, we set off in the cars again (after re- rescuing the Vla). We were driving along a road:
RAOUL: "Camilla, this is a Dyke."
ME: "Oh."

We drove on `til we got to a river and a 2-car ferry to take us over into a small (Jack-less) town. Down a narrow street we found an ice-cream store, and my craving for Hazelnut ice-cream was satisfied once again.

We returned to Base, to find that Through The Eyes Of The Killer was at the crucial drooling point. I collapsed in excitement and bruised my hip in the name of RDA, and Regina and Steffi compared arm- bruises. They maintain that they were caused by their Laser-vests when they bashed into walls, but I reckon the only way they could have gotten marks like that was by doing chicken impressions and flapping their arms.
What with Thomas shooting the children, Regina and Steffi doing chicken impressions and everyone vibrating violently, I'm rather glad the lights weren't on in the LaserGame.

Whilst more videos commenced we composed the `Flavours of Jack' list, the `Stages of Whump' list, and the `Rules of Whumpacon'. See attached pages. We also all signed our Zines, including Rikki the bird, who even kindly donated a feather to Martina (I'm still not entirely sure that was voluntary). We watched the following:

Past The Bleachers
Ordinary Heroes
Through The Eyes Of A Killer
Through The Eyes Of A Stranger
Stargate: A Matter Of Time
Stargate: Frozen
Stargate: Abyss
Stargate: The Other Guys
Stargate: Metamorphosis
MacGyver: Passages

The CSI fans stayed up later to watch the season one pilot episode
from Nicka's newly acquired box-set.

CULTURAL NOTE: Apparently, in America they serve Blue Jello on the floor.

---Monday 20th April---

A sad day dawns, the end of the whumapcon. The neighbour shows her mettle by taking group photos of us with an endless line of cameras, and manages to look not too incredibly dazed by the whole thing.
Regina, Steffi, Thomas and Ellen leave first by car, leaving the remaining JackFicers only able to watch more Jack in an attempt to comfort themselves. We watched Unnatural Selection and two other Stargate episodes. Forgive the memory, they tend to blend together after you watch more than twenty in so many hours.

Martina was next to depart, with promises to meet up again at SG6. Mary and Nicka accompanied me and Elizabeth to Rotterdam airport come two o'clock, and Nicka tried to squish me as we went round a roundabout on the way (very callous I thought).

We said our goodbyes, and set off into the airport. The same plane took us back to England, and the same bus took us another couple of unnecessary feet across the runway. After saying goodbye to Elizabeth, I managed to NOT get lost on the Heathrow express train, and caught an early coach back to my parents house. I returned home a day later, a little more tanned than I was, a little more soaked in Stargate, a lot more happy to have met everyone, and very sad to have left at all.

---Wednesday 23rd April---

I saw a builder that looked just like Jack. My friend says I am crazy.

--------------------------- Pheral :) ------------------------------

The Many Flavours Of Jack

Smart Jack
Bare-foot Jack
Grubby Jack
Short-sleeved Jack
Wet Jack (mmm)
Grumpy Jack
Crazy (wacko) Jack
Angry Jack
Colonel Jack
Childish Jack
Tortured Jack
Warrior Jack
Angst Jack
Naked Jack
Civilian Jack
Sarcastic Jack
Truck Driver Jack
Catatonic Jack
Confused Jack
Dead Jack
Centre of attention Jack
Crying Jack
Fishing Jack
Barechested Jack
Stargazing Jack
Annoyed Jack
Quipping Jack
Cooking Jack
Oatmeal Jack (`eating oatmeal', not `made of oatmeal')
Squirming Jack
Fruit Loops Jack
Pilot Jack (it's the flight suit that does it)
Modest Jack
Special Ops Jack
Deadly Jack (cor lummy)
Camo Jack
Dress Blues Jack (but we want to dip him in a puddle and run him over
with a car)
Dense Jack
Sunglasses Jack
Grey-haired Jack
Hockey playing Jack
Paternal Jack
Smartass Jack
KICKASS JACK!

The Stages Of Whump

Pre-whump - Anticipation
Dread
Angst

Mid-whump - Dented
Broken
Skewered
Shot
Pummelled
Beaten
Crushed
Bruised
Sprained
Drowned
Burnt
Zatted
Electrocuted
Mauled
Traumatised
Poisoned
Booby-trapped hotdog (??)

Post-whump - Feverish
Concussed
Amnesiac
Unconscious
Comatose
Infirmary (so, `infirm' I guess)
Convalescent
Impatient patient
Limping
Dead

Rules Of Whumpacon

1. Don't whump the fish
2. Beware the blue Jello
3. The men are NOT Jack
4. Keep the bird out of the food (and the food out of the bird)
5. Twinkies are their own food-group
6. Sleep is irrelevant
7. Don't scare the neighbours
8. Don't drool on the good furniture
9. Don't shoot the kids (they should only be worth half the
points)
10. Make sure you go home